Yesterday Upon the Stair

Fandom: American Idol RPF
Pairing(s): Adam/Brad
Rating: Adult
Warning(s): drug use

Comments: Written for queenbitchfest based on the David Bowie song, "Man Who Sold the World." The title comes from the poem "Antigonish" by William Hughes, which is thought to be the inspiration for the song. Many thanks to the amazing and brilliant yeats, who not only ran the challenge, but also provided me with a fuckton of canon info when I didn't have time to properly stalk. Thanks also to mistresscurvy, emylina, and wutendeskind, who provided me with much-needed encouragement when I was in sheer crisis mode. And finally, thanks to all the pot I smoked, without which this fic would neither be possible nor have an ending. I still can't believe the ending makes sense, but I'm grateful it does.

Summary: This story will be about a man who figures out that he's much happier without the complications of falling in love, because he himself is so awesome that he doesn't need anyone else to make him feel like a worthwhile human being. Also, because it's a fuck of a lot less painful, but Brad doesn't feel like discussing that portion of tonight's program. Not that he's projecting or anything. It's all fiction in the end.

( Yesterday upon the stair, I saw a man who wasn't there. )

Dear World (but mostly just LJ)-

I haven't checked my flist in a few days, and apparently that was cue for you to all jump on the Crazy Train with a one-way ticket to CrazyTown, located just south of LazyTown and all those scary plastic people/singing pedos with plastic mustaches. Seriously, world. What the fuck.

( CrazyTown isn't just for LiLos anymore. )

I'm sure there are other things I should be talking about, like placenta facials and how I actually have a social life now and also how you are ALL FIRED (I hate when people write that, but it's fun to say and also, to be a hypocrite) for not telling me how awesome The Venture Brothers is. I mean, I have to get high to understand it, and I totally thought that the Monarch was a bee for forever, but still. It's pretty much the gayest show on Earth, and I want to be Dr. Girlfriend when I grow up, minus the lame boyfriend.

And that's it, that's all I have, unicorns kill ponies and "best of the aughts" lists are already pissing me off.

xoxo-
Andrea

So on Friday (or really, at 4am on Saturday), mostlikely2 was asking what music I'm listening to nowadays, and I couldn't think of anything except Lady Gaga, which even for 4am, is just sad. And I remembered that wendy does this thing where she posts a mix every month of things she's listened to that month. So I decided to do that, too, and try to remember what all I'm listening to. WOOT. Thank god for lastfm.



( Track listing! Is here! )


Let me know if you have any issues with the download links. Also, I'm going to see Kelly Clarkson in November and I am SO FREAKING EXCITED. November is going to be the best month ever because:

1) KELLY
2) Kris's album
3) Adam's album
4) getting my netbook (fianlly!)

Now it's time to watch The Office and eat breakfast. Mmmm.

I hate doing recs on Saturdays because everyone is off having fun and living lives and not bored at work or school so I think people never see them, but since I'm actually super freaking busy at work now, this is the only time I have to do them, and OMG I need to make recs or I feel like the awesomeness from this fandom will explode my brain.

+LA's Gonna Eat You Alive: The Diary of Matt Giraud by fakeplasticsnow (adam/matt, anoop/megan) // OMFG you guys. Even if this wasn't written FOR ME OMG, I would still be completely obsessed and in love with it. Ever since JC's Diary, I have had a major thing for the Bridget Jones trope. Dear fakeplasticsnow knew this, and rewarded me for fucking around with one of her fics for a few weeks with this piece of total awesomeness. It's hilarious and adorable and someone, despite the total unreality of it all, she STILL manages to nail the characterizations so perfectly. Especially Anoop. ESPECIALLY MATTYG, AND WHY DON'T MORE PEOPLE WRITE HIM OMG??? You see? This fic has me capslocking like OotP Harry. It has me talking in internet acronyms like I've swapped brains with my mother. I LOVE IT SO MUCH.

I hate Kris Allen.

I mean, he spells his name with a K. What the hell kind of retarded twinkie trend is that? Maybe I should call myself Zmatt Giraud and tell people the Z is silent, it's French. I could even put an apostrophe, so it's edgy. Z'matt Giraud. Or Giraude with an E for added stylishness.

So today, Hi-Def Records' latest hitmaker Kris Allen walked into the office with his stupid angelic face and perfect sculpted body and unbuttoned-to-AWKWARD plaid shirt (plaid, what the fuck, who wears plaid in the real world), and every time he smiled, a choir of angels sang. Fucker.

( I got it, you want it, something something WHATEVER IT TAKES! )


And that's all for recs for now. I plan to spend most of this weekend catching up on fic (so many fics in my "to be read" file on delicious, EEEP, but also YAY!!) and I owe some people some betas.

Also, does anyone know when we're supposed to hear about our auction stuff? I'm pretty sure I know what the people who won me want, but I need specifics! It was so lovely to see how much 'The Rescue Blues' means to people. I want to write something really amazing for those people, something even better than the original. I hope I can do it. Eeeeep.

And now, I need to go shopping. Please remember: if you read a fic, LEAVE THEM FEEDBACK!!! All of these fics are so amazing, and the authors deserve to know it. Also so they will become addicted to the love and attention and write more. *beams*

Fairy Tale

Fandom: American Idol RPF
Pairing: Kris/Adam
Rating: Adult

Warnings: THIS IS CRACKFIC. Like, if you ever doubted what constitutes crackfic, THIS IS IT. Also, MRPEG. But this isn't your grandpa's MPREG. This is a very ~special kind of MPREG that must be read to never be believed. It is honestly the weirdest, most insane, and possibly most hilarious thing I have ever written, and YES, that is saying something after The One Where They Are Animals In A Zoo.

Comments: Firstly, a thousand million thanks to the fantastically talented merihn, who made me the delightful banner. Seriously, it is the most awesome art I have ever gotten because it is so completely perfect for this story and, I think, totally embodies the spirit of the fic. Secondly, thanks to madame_d and miss_begonia for attempting to come up with some sort of constructive criticism on this (but I do think the ending is better now!). And lastly, thanks to everyone at Twitter for chiming in with their opinions on crack being WACK. Written for aificathon with the prompt: "a non-AU Kradam crack!fic. Kris gets pregnant with Adam's baby. After that, go crazy with it." AND I DID.

Kris, it turns out, is kind of a slut. Not in practice, because the whole accidental not-sponge-worthy gay sex really was the first and only time Kris cheated, but in spirit, Kris is a total tramp. Most people would call him a flirt and say he doesn't mean any of it, he's just teasing, but Kris knows that in his heart where he can't ever lie because that's where Jesus lives--he means every word, and if he hadn't promised Katy to be faithful in front of his parents and God and everyone, it's seriously likely that he would be a lot sluttier in practice. Because Jesus maybe lives in his heart, and that helps with resisting the impulses to get jiggy with it, but Kris is pretty sure that Lucifer or, at the very least, one of his higher-up lieutenants, has taken up residence in his dick. Jesus is a busy dude, he can't always be hanging out in Kris's heart, helping him fight temptation, but Satan has like a gillion minions and can totally afford to dedicate one solely to Kris's dick, especially when Kris is in this vulnerable position of constant blue balls. It's not Kris's fault he's a harlot. The devil made him do it. QED.

( Kris does not actually have a uterus, no matter how often Matt implied so during the tour. )

*

Continue reading if you dare: Part 2, Electric Boogaloo

fakeplasticsnow demanded that I talk about the following topics:

+Labels
+Originality
+Adam Lambert
+Legacy
+Motivation

And then I believe if you'd like, I'm supposed to give you five words as well, or something.

( Labels | Originality | Adam Lambert | Legacy | Motivation )

I'm back, bitches! It's been a while, and I have exactly 35 emails to read still, but I wanted to write a concert review before I forgot everything. WOOOO!

So, firstly, I woke up at 5AM to get to the airport on time on Wednesday. Thank fucking god none of my flights were delayed or canceled or anything, despite truly ick weather in Detroit. I got into Detroit at 3PM, picked up by my mom, my sister, and my mom's boyfriend. My mom was convinced that the Palace at Auburn Hills was like an hour from the airport, which isn't actually true, but didn't stop her and her boyfriend from complaining about my sister's choice in restaurant the entire drive TO the restaurant. They wanted to just stop at whatever random place along the way, and were also convinced that the traffic would get SO BAD and we'd be late and whatever. Never mind that we had 4 hours until the concert.

So we get to the restaurant, there's eating involved, and then we're ready to head to the Palace. Only the directions that google gave us took us in the wrong direction. Apparently, google doesn't know how to say, "Make a UTurn to head north" and will instead tell you to turn onto the road you're already driving on in an attempt to get this across. Dear Google: learn the word U-Turn. It's a valid direction, I promise. No love- Andrea.

Well luckily (or maybe unluckily) mom's boyfriend, known hereafter and MBF, lived in the Detroit area for a long time and got us onto the right highway eventually. And then he proceeded to tell us about every single road and his incredibly boring memories of that road. "Oh, that's Ten Mile, that's where my proctologist used to be before he moved to Laskey, but now I see someone else..."

Yeah. It was like that. I wanted to be like, "And that's 8 Mile, where Eminem grew up in a Curt Wild-esque aluminum trailer park and wrote songs about murdering his mother." I was SO happy when we got to the Palace.

( But then there was a concert!!! OMG!!! )

In other news, I'm charity whoring for the ontd_ai_gives Donors Choose auction. I think the auction starts tomorrow and ends on September 7. All the information is over at the Message Boards. I'm offering up:

Offer 1: One (1) new story of 4000 words or more
- OR -
Offer 2: Two (2) time stamps or outtakes of already existing fic (not that there are many in AI) of 2000 words or more

RESTRICTIONS: No Sarver, Scott or Danny pairings, and no underageness. No Archie. Sorry.

ANYTHING ELSE: I'm not very good at straight up porn or kink or PWP. Also, anything I write will have to be after Sept. 20th. I will try my best to fulfill your requests, but I often have trouble controlling the direction of my stories. I can crossover with popslash, if that is your thing, but I'm not up for writing CW people at this juncture. I am willing to negotiate on the nature and length of what I write. \0/

I didn't say this there, but I guess I'd be willing to write non-AI fandoms if people want that, even though it's technically an AI charity thing. So, go bid on me tomorrow! Or something! I'll feel really silly if no one wants me :P

this is a sacred, ass-free zone
a series of unrelated drabbles that i was surprisingly sober while writing

Notes: I took drabble requests a few days ago. I've written about half of them; basically, the ones I had immediate ideas for. I will continue to work on the others, but I really need to start my fic for aificathon, so it might be a while before the rest of the requests get filled. For now, enjoy... this. In which there is MPREG, drag, tentacles, feathers, and the word 'fingering' way more times than I have ever written it previously (sober).

for wendy: "How about an outtake from your awesome Lance/Justin MPREG?"

( There's just no way he could be pregnant, even if it was like, medically possible or whatever. His voice is way too low for him to ever get knocked up. )

*

for mistresscurvy: "Drabble prompt: Adam/Kris, the outfit Adam is rocking above."

( Adam never watches him sleep and has yet to impregnate him with a half-vampire psychic super fetus capable of communicating from the womb, but still. )

*

for wutendeskind: "Adam/Kris - WATCHING PROJECT RUNWAY"

( You probably don't even know who Tim Gunn is. That's like, the saddest fucking thing I've ever heard. )

*

for cabayuki: "pickle, Adam/Kris or Adam/Cassidy; I'll let you decide ;)"

( Pirates get scurvy, right? Pirates are sexy. Therefore, pickles are the perfect food. )

*

for sylum_tru: "AJ/Nick: not necessarily pairing, but I want them to please be mocking JC and his failcatness (and possibly having heard The Cab sing and wonder how the lead singer sounds SO MUCH like JC) like seriously"

( BJ could probably produce a better song than the demo AJ just played them, and she can't boil water without lighting her hair on fire, so that's saying something. )

*

for moonmelody: "Adam/Brad, feather"

( He knows exactly what he wants and how to get it, and right now he wants to dress Adam up like the burliest anime school girl ever and film himself fucking Adam with a novelty tentacle-shaped strap-on, wearing nothing but Adam's black feather ruff and a Britney Pink wig. )

*

for buildyourwalls: "Give me a Brad/Adam when Brad realized he was madly in love with Adam."

( Brad Bell, Virgin Drama Geek, ceases to exist in the real world and can only be found on page one-ninety-eight of the 2004 Lake Highlands High yearbook. )

ETA: Click on the cut for a larger version, you guys, and NOTE THE POSITION OF HIS LEFT HAND. I am pretty sure he's touching his dick. I. Yeah, I don't know, but I think he is.

( Adam Lambert accidentally my life, the end, all arguments are invalid. )

Today is going to be a GOOD DAY, people! I am going to get grades in. And write. And make webpages. And watch PROJECT RUNWAY and DEXTER and omg, it's way too much awesome to handle. And I WILL get my debit card in the mail today. I WILL. I believe. Or something.

Tomorrow there will be a picspam. After the week we've had, we seriously need it. But for now, to get me in the writing mood, give me some drabble prompts (pairing and topic, like a word or whatever), and I will attempt to write you something. (Yes, I will take popslash, but if you asked for JC, be prepared for him to be failcats.)

xoxo

Little Lies

Fandom: American Idol RPF
Pairing: some Adam/Kris-ish stuff, but mostly just David Cook
Rating: Adult

Comments: Written on request for musicboxgirl's birthday! She wanted kradookam, but what she's getting is 4000 words about David Cook. Yeah, I don't know! This is my first (and possibly only) attempt at Cook. I've never read Cook fic even, so if I am doing it wrong, I seriously apologize times a million. I love Cook a lot, and he got me a little carried away. And I know, everyone is probably calling their fic 'Little Lies' now, but whatever, it fits too perfectly to not.

Summary: David isn't a lover or a hater, he's more of an abstainer, withholding of all opinions as beneath his notice, which is why it comes as a surprise to him when he realizes that he very strongly dislikes Adam Lambert. He maybe even hates the guy. He looks at Lambert in his stupid eyeliner and even stupider outfits, watches him on TV every week and thinks, that guy is such a fucking douche.

( It feels like he's getting away with something. )

Okay you guys. I know a lot of you are like, "Dear Andrea, please to be shutting the eff up about Adam Lambert now, okay? The competition is OVER." But I'm sorry, you guys, I don't think this is going to go away. And I will tell you why. It's because of things like this:



This is a picspam, people. It is filled with GAY. It is filled with guys being gay and doing gay shit because they ARE gay and they genuinely want to fuck each other, instead of being all Katy Perry about it for the benefit of making bank. If you're still not sure about this Adam Lambert guy or why I like him, please to be clicking the cut.

( Mostly Adam/Brad, some just Adam, some just Brad, all awesome. Possibly NSFW due to extreme hotness and sex with mic stands. )

Yes, I made a fanmix for my fic. But I decided not to feel dorky about making mixes for any fic over 15,000 words. I mean, a fic that long deserves some fucking music. I didn't make any cover art, though, because I don't have photoshop at home anymore and that is very sad. Instead, have a picture of Kris, who needs no photoshopping because he is perfect.

The Rescue Blues (It's A Fanmix, Bitch!)


( Click here for music. The Cure, Ryan Adams, and Demi Levato. What could be more awesome than my taste in music? )

The Rescue Blues

Fandom: AI8
Pairing: Kris/Adam
Rating: Adult

Comments: Many many MANY thanks to miss_begonia and madame_d for their help and patience with this story, and for fixing my many grammatical errors and plot holes. Written for the stori_telling challenge with the prompt Married to A Stranger: Jaclyn Smith plays an amnesiac who thinks she's only 16. Now she must decide between pursuing a dream to travel Europe or staying with her hubby and kid whom she doesn't even recognize! This story does not contain Jaclyn Smith or, well, most of the elements of that movie, but there is amnesia. And anarchists. I owe a debt of gratitude to callmesandy, who wrote the best amnesia fic ever, Your Life Is Now, and from which I had to concentrate very hard on not stealing. Also, there is a music mix in case you want to listen while you read.

Warnings: Recreational drug use, alcohol, and sex.

Summary: He was twenty-two years old, and the only thing he knew about himself for sure was that he was never getting on a motorcycle again, but he kind of wanted to write a song about it. He could already hear the melody in his head. Kris gets lost, and Adam finds him. An amnesia AU. OR IS IT.

( The thing about amnesia is that the person Kris knows least about is always himself. )

*

the continuing saga in: part 2

recs: porn and anoop and zombies, oh my!

More American Idol recs! Because everyone is awesome and keeps writing fantastic fic and you all need to read them because YES. And please please remember to leave these writers feedback and encourage them to write more. The Britney directive works, y'all.

( Gimme gimme more, gimme more. It's ADAM, bitch! )

*

And that is all for now, kids. Write more. Entertain me. And don't forget that stori_telling is due on August 1!!!

recs: american idol is awesome, your argument is invalid

So, many of you know that I've been watching American Idol for several years now. I watched the first season kind of randomly... I was in college at the time so it was more like I caught some episodes and I watched Kelly win. I saw enough to wonder where the Guy Who Isn't Seacrest was when I started watching it again during grad school, which was (I think) S4. Whichever one was the Bo Bice year. I resisted, but my roommates at the time (lecksee and stellaface were determined to pull me out from under my pop-culture rock. And then I met Jacob while visiting dazifudo in Austin that April, and that sort of forced me to watch it, so I could understand his recaps.

Anyway, blah blah, I've been watching for a while. And I've never really gotten that into it. I enjoy it. But I fast forward through the people I don't like and sometimes I leave the room during the judges' comments because they annoy me one way or another. I would say until this season, I was more of a casual watcher. I admit, I did consider going to Idols Live during the Ace/Daughtry/Bo/Constantine season because, I mean... ACE. But then I didn't, because even I am not that lame. Until, apparently, now.

Fucking Lambert. He ruined my cool. I'm even starting to like his version of 'No Boundaries.' Yeah, I'm doomed. With that in mind, have some recs, and share my fate.

Note: most of these are probably already on other recs lists. But I like to actually say something about why I liked a fic and what it's about when I rec something. And I think I can honestly say that most of you who read my fic or my journal regularly will really love these fics, even knowing next to nothing about American Idol.

( american idol 8 fic I think is good that you should read now so I have people to talk to about this. )

Okay so. SO! After last night, I decided that if I could go see the Idols Live tour, I needed to make that happen. And then I managed to find an actually cheap place ticket to Detroit. And then I managed to get the days off to go. So I am going to Detroit at the end of August and seeing the tour with my mom and her boyfriend and my sister, and I am SO FUCKING EXCITED I COULD PUKE!!!

At first my boss was kind of iffy about the idea of me going because that's the first week of classes and the end of the fiscal year. But I guess she decided she could do without me because she said yes. (And honestly, I don't do anything special the first week of classes, and the only special thing I'd do at the end of the fiscal year is order shit from Office Depot, which I can actually do from my mom's house so if they REALLY need me... Anyway, point being, she said yes!

So then, ahaha omg. So then I talked to my mom. And I didn't think she'd want to come to the concert (although she loves Adam) because both her and her boyfriend are handicapped and it's at the Palace of Auburn Hills and blah blah. But she really wanted to go! She had to call and order her tickets from the box office (handicapped tickets) which actually, she got really lucky because she has good seats at the medium price range because of the whole handicapped thing.

I bought my sister's and my tickets through TicketZone, which cost more but I got really good seats! And!! I'm just excited!!! I get to see my family AND I get to see ADAM FREAKING LAMBERT and it's going to be amazing. I was almost done paying off my credit card... OH WELL. And I had to give up the idea of getting a netbook, but you know. This is better. This will be an experience. I can buy a netbook in a few months (and by then they'll probably be even cheaper).

So, random post is random, but!! I'm excited!! I've never been this excited to go to Detroit before. Heeee. If anyone else will be in Detroit, let me know and maybe we can hook up. I think we'll have to get there early to accommodate my mom, so I'll have some time to kill. Possibly.

For your time, ( this is pretty much the reason I need to go. )

(Sorry guys, I've had too much caffeine and I'm making a CD of Adam's stuff for my mom because she demanded it and she's driving her poor boyfriend crazy playing 'Mad World' over and over again. Forgive my randomness in this post.)

1. So, I didn't realize that my comment notifications for zebras4eva were going to my old email address. It took me two weeks to answer those comments, but if you left me a Dear Zebra comment over there, I did answer! I had to unscreen the comments to reply and so that you could read your replies... so please let me know if you want them re-screened after reading. There's a new post up right here so if you want advice, or just to write me a random Dear Zebra letter, go for it. Comments are screened, anon posting is on, ip tracking is off. And I will actually answer in a timely manner this time!

2. I did so much STUFF this weekend! I saw people. I left my house. It's kind of revolutionary for me. On Friday, I decided that I needed a breakfast taco, so I went to Magnolia with arielchan, puszysty, and mitcharf. It was fun. I feel like I talked too much because I was the only person who knew all three of them, but those are three people I feel like would get along, so you know. I'm a uniter! And stuff. Then arielchan and irish_cocktail came over and we watched Hedwig and Velvet Goldmine. I love those movies so fucking much. They are both in my top 5. Eventually, Mitch came over and brought us booze, and we discussed the acidic properties of Brendon Urie's come. Good times.

3. Then yesterday, I went to a July 4th bbq. I swam, I socialized, I ate a popsicle. Brian and I went to Mighty Fine Burger, which was very yummy, and we watched Hung, which was okay. Then I went to Mitch's with dazifudo and watched Tombstone, which is not in my top 5 but it's definitely in my top 10, and I really think there should be Doc Holliday/Johnny Ringo slash. I mean, COME ON. They speak Latin to each other. They would have the best hate sex ever.

4. So it was a busy weekend, and I got no writing done. Less than a month until stori_telling is due, and I need to get started like a week ago. EEP. I blame Cheeks. He needs to stop distracting me by wanting to write about him instead.

5. And finally, because a lot of people are friending me and a lot of them come from bandom, I feel like ( I need to address the giant pink elephant of stage gay wank. )

I know, tl;dr. I just felt like I needed to say that. I don't want anyone to feel weird or afraid to friend me because of that stuff. There are a few people I've been wanting to friend again that I've been hesitant about because of the wank, but I think, you know, I'm just going to do it. I trust myself a lot more now not to offend them like I did last time, and it would be pretty cool if we could be friends again.

Adam Lambert has secret alien powers of awesomeness to bring people together in the common cause of worshiping his fierceness. TRUFAX.

Yes, I made a mix. Because that's what I do. I made this when I was writing Wizard Not Included and I suppose this could be considered the soundtrack to that, except in my brain, Adam and Brad totally get back together, because YES.

everything zen


( It's gonna be a hard candy Christmas. )