So, remember how nopseud pointed out the other day about this wonderful book that I'm sure has a real title, but I just like to think of as the "fucking ur ass, saving ur life" book? Well, I got it in the mail! And I started reading it. OH MY GOD.

First off, I am absolutely certain that whoever wrote this used to write NSYNC het fic. Or maybe BSB het fic, if such a thing indeed exists. I'm only 30 pages in, and here's what I know:

1) The main character, Kimber (which just makes me think of Nip/Tuck and lesbian porn), is trying to convince Deke and Luc to teach her all about "menage." Now, here's the thing. Maybe I just don't know the slang terms for these things, but I thought it was menage a trois. The TROIS meaning 'three', which is how you know how many people are involved. But the author uses the word 'menage' as if it's a whole Thing. Like, it's a Scene that special, racey people are involved in and know all about and are so cool they just refer to it as codename: menage. And maybe that's true! Personally, I'd just say 'threesome.'

2) Kimber wants to learn about menage to prove to her popstar friend/future lover that she can handle his wild ways. His name is Jesse. He sings in falsetto and Deke (an ex-army guy) refers to him as a Backstreet Boys wannabe. No, for serious. Because tough army guys who are into menage know all about Backstreet. (Actually...) He also is confused as to why any woman would be attracted to a man that sings like a woman. Tell me that's not a Timberlake reference, I DARE you.

3) I wonder if La Timberlake is into menage? I mean, clearly, there's the thing where he can't have sex unless his mom is in the bed, but that's not *exactly* menage, is it? But on the other hand, he sings that song about asses bouncing and menage a trois, so maybe. Maybe he does menage with Timbaland, and on tour it's like, the Land O Lakes Bus of Menagerie.

Anyway, moving on. The other awesome thing about this book is that it's written exactly like every bad fic I've ever read, including painful-sounding sex and drooling cocks and glistening orbs of violet. I was maybe reading this book at the gym yesterday while riding the bike (I put, ironically, the cover for Lucky over it so as not to freak out the other gym-goers, but Lucky is a memoir about a girl who was raped, so uh, it's very ironic indeed) and I laughed out loud at least three times and once I actually said, "OMG, for REAL?"

I'll give a full report later, but seriously, it's AMAZING.

In other news, does anyone know anyone in the DC area who might be willing to have a cat for a month or so? Or is looking for a roommate?